Celebrating Sanity

           

                                                          

I got a text from my therapist that read ” where were you on this day last year?”. She knew as well as I did that I didn’t want to rehash this, hence the  text message. Last year on this day, I was checking myself into the Behavioral health unit (mental ward) at my local hospital because I was spiraling really bad into depression and I was literally on the edge. When I think about it, I have been suffering from depression my entire life, due to having low self esteem, asthma and being very introverted. But I have always had an outlet whether it be school. family, volunteer work or a relationship.
I have never really been alone to deal with myself until last year and I was not prepared to deal with me and it caused a mental breakdown because all of my past hurt, grief and pain was surfacing and had me boxed in a corner and I had no more fight left I wanted to give up and more importantly I wanted to the pain to stop. You see some people have this belief that people who suffer from depression is weak but truth we are strong because we are in a great deal of pain all the time and yet we still push through. Or at least I did, I spent three week prior to checking myself into the hospital alone in my apartment. eating Papa Johns Pizza, not sleeping and barely going to work I was like a zombie but no one close to me knew
So, this morning last year after going three days with no sleep , I got ready for work, got in my car and stared at concrete barricade for half an hour and then I look to my left and saw an item in my car that my niece had left and that was breaking point. I drove myself to the hospital and spent the next seven days isolated from all that I love but trying to connect with the one person that I stop loving Myself.
So, on this day last year I was just beginning my journey back to myself. Its not an easy . its been difficult at times but I wouldn’t change a thing because I am stronger, wiser and more self assured then I’ve ever been in my life. I look in the mirror and I love who I see, all of me I couldn’t do that a year ago. So, whoever reads this, no matter where you are in life know that there is no shame in getting help and that loving yourself is the source of your power.
The Journey Continues