Loose TO Win

I am absolutely in love with the song by Fantasia ever since I first heard it. Its one of those songs that's not really a song but a testimony placed over a hot beat. It's so honest, so raw and so relatable. So, you know I had to break it down for yall.

We've all have and will have "Loose to Win" moments in our lives whether it be personal or professional we will all be knocked down to only come back the champion. I believe that I connected to this song because of what I have been going through lately and how I can actually set back and so myself loose everything that I thought was important only to WIN the my biggest prize ever myself.

I started off this new year with a plan, I was going to get healthy, suck it up and work at a job that I didn't like but will continue to work there, I would get my book published, pay off some of my school debt and pursue my life coaching and speaking as well as kick off my company dedicated to the uplifting of the people."konkrete rose" . I know it sounds like a lot but I have always been a big dreamer. I also made the promise to myself that I would personally take care of myself which meant no more dead end romances and finally cutting off my ex.  Don’t get me wrong this is not going to be a " woe is me" type of post but I wouldn't be me if I didn't keep it totally honest with you. So, I had all this and I was prepared and then the New year came.

I signed up for Weight watchers and actually loosing weight and becoming more healthy, I was going to work complaining every day but still going, I had a publisher who was interested in publishing my book, I had like three clients that I was life coaching, I thought everything was good. I had even had a serious talk with my ex about how we needed to take a real step away from each other after have some mind blowing good bye sex. I was focused, I was faithful and in my mind I was winning. Then one night I had this sharp pain in my right side, I was in so much pain like I never felt before. I went to the hospital and they said I had gallstones but not to worry that I would most likely have another attack and if I did then they would take my gallbladder.

So, following that I had another gallbladder attack like a week later and went to the doctor and they said I had a gall bladder infection, so I was placed on medication to fight the infection and something help with the pain but in turn the medication made me a zombie. I started to see my life fall apart all around me and there was nothing that I could do about it.  In my mind I had went from winning to loosing everything. I fell into a dark hole and although I was all smiles on the outside in the inside I was dying. I had falling back into my old mindset where I was putting everyone and their needs above my own even those who didn't deserve it.

So, Easter Sunday came which was the began of my own personal resurrection because I started to fill something deep inside me, I call it the Fire of life. Well, that Monday came and I was literally floored I was in so much pain and by the Wednesday I was entering the operating room for emergency surgery to get my gall bladder removed, during my surgery they had some complications with my breathing tube which scared me a little but for the first time in a long while, fear knocked and I answered it with my FIERCE FAITH. Through my healing process not did my physical pain began to heal but I also began to heal emotionally. I had nothing but I was happy. I could feel this fire in my going from a low simmering, to crackling, to flaming and I was loving every moment of it.

So, I understand what Fantasia is singing about when she say sometimes you have to loose to win again. Because although it may be painful both emotionally and physically. You may loose friends, people you believed that was on your side and you may feel all alone. Allow yourself to go through those emotions feel it all and then all will be left, is YOU, those who truly love you and GOD (or whatever your higher power is). The fire you have inside you that you believe had died would ignite once more and it would be so fierce that those who never knew you will feel it. Don't run from it, don’t back down instead like a Phoenix rising from the ashes you SOAR because now you are a true WINNER !!