I think this would be the hardest thing I have written in awhile but I hope each reaches,teaches or just comfort someone who maybe going through or went through a similar ordeal.
I am period in my life that I'm going to call transitioning because I'm moving from one state of being to another and although we all will hopfully transiton for me its not comfortable at all. So, for the last year my life has been in complete shambles. I started a job that I didn't like and became a slave to a pay check, My heart was smashed purposely by a man that I thought loved me, I stopped doing what I loved like working with the youth. I was miserable and I truly believed that I deserved the pain. So about four months ago it all became to much I was depressed that I would sit for days in my house, didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't work amd didn't care. But to the outside world they thought I was okay but inside I was dying. I was breaking down mentally,emotionally,spiritually to that point where I could imagine me not being here. Now I never had a suicidal thought or attempted to take my own life but I saw myself teetering close to that edge and on that day I decided that I needed help. I checked myself into Behavorial Unit at Richmond Memorial where I was diagnosed with major depression.
I stayed there for a week and it was the best week of my life because for the first time I had no where to run and I had to be alone with myself and deal with my issues and there where people there who cared about healing me for nothing in return. So, after I left there I spent the next month in reflection, I lost my job, I decided to end my lease and move in with my brother because the home was like a haunted house every room filled with nightmares. I took this month to find me to dig deep into my core and find the beautiful being that GOD created.
So, in away this is where I am now I have a renewed power and strength. I learned how to forgive myself to erase the guilt and to no longer allow anyone to hold me hostage by my past. My spiritual relationship is growing stronger and I am growing wiser. I say it I feel painfully happy which means I have this joy but I won't be able to fully expeirence it until I finish shedding the pain and transition from who I was to who I was created to be.
Some people may feel ashamed like I did and don't want anyone to know they may need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, a weak person suffers in silence.
I wish you the best regardless of where you are in life and I pray for your smooth transition.
I am period in my life that I'm going to call transitioning because I'm moving from one state of being to another and although we all will hopfully transiton for me its not comfortable at all. So, for the last year my life has been in complete shambles. I started a job that I didn't like and became a slave to a pay check, My heart was smashed purposely by a man that I thought loved me, I stopped doing what I loved like working with the youth. I was miserable and I truly believed that I deserved the pain. So about four months ago it all became to much I was depressed that I would sit for days in my house, didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't work amd didn't care. But to the outside world they thought I was okay but inside I was dying. I was breaking down mentally,emotionally,spiritually to that point where I could imagine me not being here. Now I never had a suicidal thought or attempted to take my own life but I saw myself teetering close to that edge and on that day I decided that I needed help. I checked myself into Behavorial Unit at Richmond Memorial where I was diagnosed with major depression.
I stayed there for a week and it was the best week of my life because for the first time I had no where to run and I had to be alone with myself and deal with my issues and there where people there who cared about healing me for nothing in return. So, after I left there I spent the next month in reflection, I lost my job, I decided to end my lease and move in with my brother because the home was like a haunted house every room filled with nightmares. I took this month to find me to dig deep into my core and find the beautiful being that GOD created.
So, in away this is where I am now I have a renewed power and strength. I learned how to forgive myself to erase the guilt and to no longer allow anyone to hold me hostage by my past. My spiritual relationship is growing stronger and I am growing wiser. I say it I feel painfully happy which means I have this joy but I won't be able to fully expeirence it until I finish shedding the pain and transition from who I was to who I was created to be.
Some people may feel ashamed like I did and don't want anyone to know they may need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, a weak person suffers in silence.
I wish you the best regardless of where you are in life and I pray for your smooth transition.
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